Monday, May 3, 2010


I don't know if it is the rainy weather or the lack of sleep, but I'm just gloomy today. Saturday night Joe and I attended my SOS group's progressive dinner (and had a great time), but I was telling someone how I dream from the moment I fall asleep until the alarm clock goes off and I wake up more exhausted than when I went to sleep, and she told me they are stress dreams. So that got me thinking what all am I stressed about and I realized my list is pretty long. My dad called yesterday, he is in the hospital and they are not sure what is wrong. I'm waiting to hear more today.
We have made an insurance claim on our roof from hail damage and so we are getting a new roof but we have to come up with the $500.00 deductible. In a way this is a huge blessing because we almost did not get insurance on the house because it needed a new roof, but the thought of coming up with $500.00 on top of everything else right now just has me sick to my stomach. We did have a tiny bit of money set aside to buy things we needed for the baby like bedding and a car seat, but that was only like $100-200 and now I guess it will go towards the roof and we will have to figure the rest out.
Will Joe get this job. God gave Joe the job in Greenville so that we could afford Lol, but I have never understood why God gave him a job that pulled him away from his family and put huge strain on our marriage. I am really hoping that this job will work not only for more money but so that my kids can have their dad. It is hard them asking where he is every morning, every other weekend, and a lot of weeknights. I have no clue how long we will have to wait before we hear something back.
I'm not as fired up for VBS as I was to begin with. We had a rocky start that really put a damper on my feelings about it. Now it is almost hard to get excited about it knowing how rough the first couple weeks of planning went. However, it is fast approaching and I need to get busy. I'm also feeling burnt out at church. I think I took a year off from being an elder doing teaching and being involved in other things. I think this baby is going to give me a great reason to just attend and be fed for a little while.
How are we going to afford 3 in daycare????
How am I going to parent 3 kids with the possibility that Joe not get the Prattville job and knowing that I could be doing it alone a lot of the time. The girls already have me stressed and I feel like a horrible mother every night as I lay down to go to sleep. I am so scared that I can't do it.

I know for every stress/worry you should name a blessing and I know that my blessings more than outweigh my worries any day, but some days your worrys get the best of you and I guess that is what has been happening here lately and especially at night. I know that for every worry, God has an answer.

Well on a happier note, we went to Florida April 23-25 to see Grammy and Emmie. We had a great time, but it was a short trip. And like I said Joe and I attended the progressive dinner which was probably our first date in a long time. We had a great time. We met with the roofers Friday night and picked out our shingle color. I'm not sure yet when the work will begin. I'm 16 weeks and will be 17 weeks this Thursday. I'm still doing good and only get sick at smells. Next week is Joe and my 8 year anniversary. To be honest the first 8 years have been a little rough, hopefully the next 8 will be a little easier, but I love him more and more each day and could not imagine my life without him. He is my soulmate and he and the girls and this baby mean everything to me. Aunt Sheila and Uncle Quint have been kind enough to agree to keep the girls so that we can go out to eat to celebrate. Then he will spend the rest of the week in Mobile working a tournament.

Well until next time.

No comments: