Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My Girls

I am going to do a thankful Tuesday today. As I look at everyone's facebook pages or blogs a lot of people are praying for sick or dying children, a lot of people are praying for families that have just lost a child, and a lot of people are praying for women trying to get pregnant. All of this just reminds me of the two most wonderful blessings God has ever given me, my daughters Josie and Jolie. We always say that Josie was our planning and Jolie was God's planning. We tried eight long months to get pregnant with Josie. Those were the most emotional and roughest eight months of my life. I was so low and actually the day before I found out I was pregnant I stood in front of my church and confessed how depressed I was that God had not given me what I had been praying for. I cried in front of everyone and the very next day I found out I was pregnant. I will never forget that day. Joe was at work and he rushed home. We went and told our parents and called everyone. Some reacted better than others. The rest of the day I spent with one of my best friends, Ashley. We went and bought "What to Expect When You Are Expecting." We looked at baby name books. It was a great day. Then two weeks before Josie turned one, I woke up early one morning and for some reason I took a pregnancy test. To this day, I'm not sure what made me take that test, but it had a very faint line. I shoved that test in front of Joe's face and asked him if he saw what I saw. I cried. I had no idea how we were going to pay for another child. Daycare was already the biggest bill we paid each month. Also things were changing at work and it was not the most opportune time for me to have a baby. I was so scared. I started calling everyone, and to my surprise everyone was so excited. I just knew people would tell me that they were too close or some of them act like they had when we told them the first time. I didn't get that at all. I guess everyone had fallen so in love with Josie that the thought of having another child thrilled them.

My girls are my world. They amaze me every day. They are two of the most loving little girls, not only to me, but to each other, and to other people. Their laughs and smiles can erase the worst of days. They have taught us so much and I could not imagine my life without either one of them. I am not sure why God has blessed me so wonderfully as I don't deserve it, but I thank him every single day that he did. I try to teach my girls about him and let them know how much he loves them as well as every single person that he created. Josie loves praying, Sunday school, singing, and learning all about the things that God has created. Jolie is coming into her own as she now is starting to fold her hands and sing the meal blessing with us. I pray that God will mold me into a Godly mother.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Celebrate the Lasts

When I was pregnant with Jolie I found myself in a local bookstore. I was glancing at the children's section and picked up this one particular hardbound book. It was short so I decided to read it. I started balling right there in the bookstore. The book was about celebrating the "lasts." So many firsts in life are celebrated, first word, first time you walk, first time you crawl, first foods eaten, first homerun, first date, first time you drive a car, and on and on. However, in life we never celebrate the lasts. Now granted I know sometimes you never know that this will be the last time something is ever done, but that is what this book was about. The last time the mom stayed up all night with the baby, the last time the baby crawled, the last time the child was picked up and held on her hip, the last time she read the child a book, and so on and so on. I bought the book. Not sure why, because to this day I can not read it again. Anytime Josie wants to read it, I tell her to go to her Daddy. However, reading it while I had a small child and one on the way opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. Life happens fast and is constantly changing. As the girls grow every once in a while I stop and remember this may be the last time this ever happens. And although it makes me sad, at the same time some of those moments will stay with me as they grow up. Last night we had our normal problems getting Josie to bed. Joe was in the shower and I was in the recliner when she again walked out of her room and came to me. She wanted another hug and kiss. I put her in my lap and held her like she was a baby and I rocked her to sleep. I rocked my 3 year old to sleep. I had given up rocking my babies a long time ago, not because I wanted to, because they didn't want to be rocked. Once I knew she was really asleep I went and laid her down. I looked at Joe and said that was easy enough, and I could handle doing that every night. I guess I had given up on something that wasn't quite ready to be a last yet.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Unrealistic Expectations

From early childhood we are all surrounded by unrealistic expectations. In the fairytales we ready as a child we quickly learn that there is a prince out there for every one of us who is waiting to rescue/save us. That he will be rich, charming, and will sweep us off of our feet. We are taught that every kiss is romantic. And as we grow and experience life these unrealistic expectations are in the back of our mind, haunting us. If you watch TV today we are taught that life's problems can be fixed within thirty minutes to an hour depending on how long the show you are watching is. We are taught that drama is better than no drama. How do we reconcile all of this with our real lives? Last night around 11:00 p.m. I was watching a rerun of Sex in the City (I have the same problem as my daughter in that I can not go to sleep at night. Most nights it is between 11:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. before I go to sleep.) and all I kept thinking was how I wished Joe were more like Aiden. Aiden is always so calm and easy going with Carrie. No matter what problem they are going through he just wants to hold her and talk it through. He rarely gets angry with her and is so good to her. Yes I know it is a TV show and there are no children invovled in their relationship whereas we have two under the age of 4, but yet that expectation of me deserving this charming prince kept creeping into my mind. Why is Joe not good enough just the way he is? Why do I expect there to be more romance, more mind alterating kisses, more sweeping me off of my feet? As a new mom, I have wrestled with this and to date have not told my girls the stories of Cinderlla, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc., because I do not know how to explain to them that this is not how real life is. Why introduce them to something and then say but your life will never be like that? Granted, I do know that there are many women out there that do have these lifes, but most of us don't have lives like that. Why are there no fairytales out there with ordinary people living ordinary lives? I am very blessed. I have a husband who loves me and he tries very hard to make me happy. I have two beautiful girls that are my world. Am I living a fairytale, no. Will I ever, probably not. I am living the everydaytale, where life is hard and there are problems that take more than a day to fix. I love my life. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Am I always happy, no, but that is part of the everydaytale.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Last Night's Adventure

Last Friday morning I spent 20 minutes on the phone with our pediatrician's office, to once again hear the same words: "You are doing everything right, this is normal, just keep trying." I wanted to scream at the lady. She did agree with me that this is not a phase, phases don't last a year and a half. She said Josie may just be one of those children that does not require as much sleep. She told me that the only thing that worked for her son was putting a movie on in his bedroom every night at bedtime. I told her I was willing to try. I told her if you tell me to give her coke at bedtime I would try it. So yesterday I spent the last $100.00 that was on my credit card to buy a TV for the girls' room. Joe was working late so I got it and the DVD player all setup on my own. Then came bedtime. The TV ended up keeping Jolie awake. (Jolie is one of those children that you lay down and leave alone. She will go to sleep on her own and prefers to be alone to sleep.) So then I had two awake little girls and no sleeping girls. It was at this point that I decided to put the girls in separate rooms again. I struggled and struggled to get the crib out of the room. I was going to put Jolie into what we call Grammy and Emmie's room. (We have a three bedroom, one bath house. My mom lives in PC and so we have a room that is setup for them when they come up and then we have the girls room.) Grammy and Emmie's bed is dirty from the dogs sleeping in there or I would have just put Josie in there for the night. Well I couldn't get the crib out of the room. I called Joe and asked how we got it in there to begin with, and he said we had to take it apart. So at this point I had to wait for him to get home from work until I could get the girls asleep. I tried to lay down with both of them in my bed, but Lol must be confined and left alone for her to go to sleep. Joe got home a little before 9:00 p.m. He got started immediately taking the bed apart. By the time he got the bed taken apart, into Grammmy & Emmie's room, and then put back together it was close to 10:00 p.m. We laid Lol down and she was out within a minute. I then laid down Josie and put the Little Mermaid in for her to watch. She was alseep within 10 minutes. However, I'm not sure if it was the movie or the fact that was 10:00 p.m. at night. Ughhhhhhhh. Now, tonight I have to go home and get both rooms like like bedrooms again. Toys are everywhere and the rooms are a mess in an effort to just get them to sleep last night. One day I really hope to have the house setup so that everyone has their place and space.

Changing subjects, yesterday Erica had somewhere she had to be in Wetumpka right at 5:00 p.m. so she dropped the girls off here with me at my office a little before 5:00p.m.. Josie got out of the car and ran straight for the door saying that she was going to work. It was so cute. She was so excited about "working" that she didn't even really say goodbye to Erica. She walked in and looked around and asked, "Where's him?" It was so cute. She was referring to my boss. She played with papers while I finished what I was doing and kept returning the magazines that Lol kept bringing to me. She was so cute and grown up.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Josie Can Now Ride a Tricycle

Josie has finally figured out how to ride a tricycle. For the longest time she would get on and use her feet in a Fred Flintstone way, not any longer. It was so exciting for us all as she peddled around the road. The smile on her face was priceless. She was so proud of herself for this great accomplishment as were we. Sometimes in the hussle and bussle of life, we forget the small stuff. But not yesterday. Yesterday we relished every second of our little girl's newest joy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Josie & Lol

My girls, my world. Enough said.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Why I love my new background

Birds have a special meaning to me. I'm not that crazy about holding them or owning one, but they just symoblize something in my life. My first memories of birds is when my grandfather would throw his gum out of the car window. I would fuss at him for littering and he would tell me that the birds would use it to build their nests. At some point in adulthood I threw out my gum in pap-pap fashion and Joe said something to me. I explained to him my pap-pap's explanation to which Joe quickly told me that the gum would get stuck in their beaks. Fast forward a couple of years. I'm a teenager in Montreat, North Carolina. Montreat is a Presbyterian college and also is where week long youth conferences are held during the summer. We were doing a laying on of hands outside. It was my turn to be the middle. I was down on my knees giving over all my angers and hurts to God. As I went back to sit down a bird came by and pooped on me. I just laughed. I saw it as a sign from God. The guy next to me wasn't as happy. I've had a few more incidents with birds over the years. Now, Josie has become concerned with them. Anytime we throw food out of the truck, she asks, "The birds will eat it." God used birds all throughout the Bible, mostly doves, but he also talks about how he feeds the birds, so why should we worry. And so sometimes God uses birds to talk to me.

My SOS (Sisters of Service)

I'm going to be a copy cat today. (Actually I am a lot of days, but nobody knows it but Sheila b/c she is the one I'm always copying.) I'm going to do a Thankful Thursday who was created by Cassandra. Today I'm thankful for my SOS (Sisters of Service). I come from a small (about 100 members) older church both memberwise and building wise. I have been incredibly active in my church since I was a small child. First I did acolyting, then ushering, then youth commissioner (which included being a part of the session), then teahing Sunday school, then becoming an elder which meant leading my own committee for three years, to leading and directing Vacation Bible School, and now I'm a helper and supporter of Joe who just became an elder. In my eyes I had done just about every thing offered at our church expcet join the women's group. The women's group was made up of older women. There would have been a good 30-40 age gap between me and them. I was saving that until I got older, as I kept telling myself. Well when we got our new preacher almost three years ago he brought with him his family. A wife in her 30s (he is in his 30s or 40s) and two daughters now 5 and 3. Having a younger preacher brought back some of the people that I had grown up with that hadn't been active in a while. So our church was beginning to even out a little between the young and old and now all the babies. Well his wife needed to feel connected and so we started another women's group that consists of mainly younger women, some middle aged women, and one or two in their 60s. When first asked if I wanted to join I again said no, that I was saving that for when I got older. Well some of the girls really encouraged me to come to the first meeting. I went and loved it. It was great to be able to talk about our problems: our husbands, our kids, work. A lot of us were going through the same stuff. We named ourselves the Sisters of Service and in 2.5 years have already done some great mission projects around the church and community. I work for a lawyer and so it is just me and him. I have two young children so I go home every day and spend time with my family. I have a friend from high school that I keep in touch with but she is in Birmingham. We get together with family. And we have three couples that we do stuff with with: my brother and his wife, my husband's brother and his wife, and then a set of friends. My husband works with a ton of guys and gets to go hunting and fishing (not as much as he would like), but he has his outlets. Whereas, I didn't. My SOS has helped me through a lot of life's issues. In our group there is always someone you can go to where it be a friend or a mother type person. Everyone loves you and accepts you and honestly wants the best for you. We take care of each other. There is someone in the group that you can go to for each problem that arrises. We have truly become sisters. If it han't been for this group forming, I would have never known some of these wonderful ladies on the level that I now know them. I am so thanful that God allowed me to open up myself a little to become invovled. We meet once a month and we do extra projects. We do fundraising, we do a progressive dinner in November, and we do an annual trip to the Fresh Air Farm in Birmingham. We leave on Friday and come back on Sunday. This is our second year doing it. Last year we shopped, hung out, watched a movie, had devotional time, and some other things. The Farm is an awsome place. It is a place where underprivileged children can go for "summer camp." While there they teach the children art, cooking, gardening, etc. It is a great place for the kids. When you first walk into the main hall it looks like you are walking into a murder mystery house. Last year we all had our own rooms with a twin bed. I'm not sure how many of us are going this year so some of us have to share rooms. It is just a great weekend sobatical to reconnect with yourself and your sisters. So I want to thank each one of my sisters and the everything that they have brought to my life. I love you all.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Money & Speeding Tickets

Money: We need it to buy the things we need to survive like food in our bellies, roof over our heads, clothes and shoes, etc. Money: We are asked to tithe in the spirit to which God graciously gives to us. Money: We need it to buy the things we want even if we don't need them. Money: Is accused of being the root of all evil in the Bible. Money: It causes divorces and many fights between married people and families. Money. That is something we just do not have enough of in our family. Anytime we have a little extra something happens and poof the extra is gone. Then there are those times where there is no extra and you have to some how come up with the extra to pay for whatever happened. We had a certain amount of money set aside for our vacation in June. I did not put it in our bank account because I knew that if it was there, the money would get spent. Well Joe called me this morning to tell me he had gotten a speeding ticket. My first response was disbelief b/c the man drives llike a grandpa. I apologize to any good "grandpa" drivers out there. He was once again running late for work. He was passing someone and the police officer pulled him over for going 70 in a 55 on Coosada Parkway. I asked Joe how he proposed that we pay for the ticket. He said he was going to borrow the money. I had completely forgotten about our vacation money. I called him back and said not to borrow it, that we would borrow from ourselves and use our vacation money. I would rather pay ourselves back than someone else. I am very proud of myself though b/c I'm not mad. I'm not mad at him and I'm not mad about the situation. I usually go a lot faster than what I should and I'm just amazed that it was him that was caught and not me. However, I do want Joe to learn something from this: Start getting up on time and you don't have to rush to work. He refuses to get out of bed on time and almost every day he is late. His bosses have just always come to except and accept this from him. I guess it is a good thing he is such a good worker once he gets there and that is usually willing to stay late. So hopefully now we will be able to pay ourselves back so that we can have a nice family vacation.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Partied Out

Did I have a weekend? I'm sure I did because somehow I'm back at Tuesday. Oh, that's right, I remember now, I was going non-stop all weekend with no rest. Friday I was bound and determined to do something fun with my girls since it was supposed to rain all weekend. As soon as Joe and I got home from work we loaded up and headed to Montgomery. Our plans were to go to the Zoo. We got there right at 4:30 as they were closing. Josie was so disappointed. So then we went to downtown Montgomery and rode the trolley. The girls were so excited and Josie loved every minute of it. She did not want to get off. If I do say so myself, I enjoyed it also. Later that night I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. Friday night working on my kitchen. It is completely painted (well everything except my cabinets). I love it. The color has finally grown on me and I love the way I put all the decorations back up. Josie loves it too, or at least that is what she says. Saturday the girls were up bright and early and we had a birthday party from 11-2. Then home for naps. Up from naps and to Bass Pro Shop we went. Of course we had to play on the boats as Joe and I looked at the prices of the boats. Thinking one day, hopefully, maybe, we could own one, and how much fun it would be. My family had a boat growing up. Every weekend we were at the lake. We loved it and hopefully that will be some fun times we can have with our girls. Dinner at Applebees with the gift card my grandmother gave us for Christmas and then home for baths and bed. Sunday we got up and went to Sunday school and church. Home for naps, and another birthday party. This one was at Pump-It-Up. All four of us had a blast. I think the exercise did us all good. Dinner, home, baths, and bedtime. All in all it was a good weekend, I just hate it when we go so much that I don't feel rested when I come back to work.

This weekend I have my annual SOS (Sisters of Service) girls weekend. We are going to Birmingham and I am so looking forward to it. It just a great weekend of fellowship, rest, and a much needed break for me. This year we have a mission project as well. We leave Friday and will get back Sunday. Friday can't get here fast enough.

Friday, March 13, 2009


Two posts in one day.

I was reading a friend's blog and came across this poem/writing. I have so many friends going through this right now and reading this made me cry. I felt the same way when we tried so hard for Josie for 8 months. Now that God has blessed us with two beatiful girls day to day life can be so overwhelming that I forget to truly appreciate my blessings. So I'm copying this as a reminder to us parents of the blessing that we have in having children and as a tribute to those who are going through this. I love you all!

To wake up in the morning, I need an alarm clock because there are no little ones to jump on my bed to wake me up.
I take my time getting ready in the morning, because I don't have anyone to dress but myself.
Instead of changing dirty diapers, I change a puppy pad.
Instead of preparing lunch for school, I pour fresh food and water for my dogs.
I have no clue what it's like to have a dryer full of little clothes that are "so aggravating" to fold.
My picture frames are filled with pictures of my nieces, nephews and friends' children becuase I haven't had an opportunity to capture the beauty in the faces of my own.
When I want to have a quiet moment, all I have to do is turn off the television.
When we go to church, we feel like the "outsiders" because everyone else has something in common.
I can't plan children, only "times" to try for them.
No, I don't know what labor pains feel like.
No, I don't know what it feels like to carry your world in your womb for nine months.
I've never heard "I love you, Mommy!"
I've never been up all night with a screaming baby but would give anything for it.


Dreams, Sleep & Paint

Well he's back. I had another dream about him last night. It has almost been 3 weeks since my last one. To make matters worse at some point during the dream, I thought to myself I wrote you out of my head, why am I dreaming about you again. Of course, he didn't answer. It was an innocent dream that he just happened to be in. Maybe this is a weining process. Maybe the stretch between this dream and the next will be even longer and so on and so on until he is officially out. Who knows.

My other frustrations include this weekend. I had a great weekend planned for us so that we could spend some good quality family time together. Josie has been asking to ride the trolley in down town Montgomery so we were going to ride the trolley and go to the zoo. But there is a 90% chance of rain tomorrow. That ruins every plan I had. Joe wants to go to Bass Pro Shop so we may end up doing that and whatever else I can think of. At least rain or shine we will be able to go to Elias' birthday party at Pump-It-Up on Sunday. I know the girls will have a blast and come home exhausted. Oh, I so look forward to it. We are still having major major problems getting Josie to bed at night. Sometimes it is 9:30 before she finally gives in. I guess I shouldn't have bragged so much when she was infant sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. Or when she six months old taking a nap when we got home from work/daycare, getting up eating, bathing, and going right back to bed. She did so well. Not sure what we've done to screw her up, but this nighttime terror has been going on for over a year and a half now. I dread nights b/c I know what it holds for us.

Good news, I did get most of the kitchen painted last night. I primed the walls and put on one coat of the paint. I still have to do the edges both priming and painting. And then do a quick second coat and that part should be finished. Next will be painting the cabinents. Not sure about the color were doing on the walls. Joe keeps saying it will grow on us. I hope so. I hate that my first reaction wasn't "Oh, I love it. Good job Jess." I hate picking out paint color. I'm horrible at it. I'm sure part of my problem is that it is not finished. You still see paneling and primer from where the edges aren't done. Hopefully, that will help me. Again, who knows.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Change. Some fear, some embrace, and sometimes life requires it. Change is a touchy subject with most people b/c most people have a strong reaction to it. Those of us who fear it do not understand those who embrace it. Those of us who embrace it do not understand those who fear it. And yet, we always make it through. I guess we ourselves determine whether we make that road harder on ourselves by fearing it or embracing it. Changes can be small, medium, large, or supersized. Change surrounds us. The day changes from morning to night, the weather changes from snow one weekend to shorts and flip-flops the next, seasons change, the econonmy changes, and we change. We change because of changes in our life. We learn a life lesson from that change, or we change our attitude from another change. I thank God for the changes in my life. Thank you God that Joe went from being my boyfriend to my husband. I thank God that my children and nieces and nephews went from being a dream to becoming a reality. I thank God that Sheila went from being a friend to becoming my sister-in-law. I thank God that me being in the legal field went from wishful thinking to day to day life. I thank God that we moved from our trailer to our house (even if it is smaller). I thank God that Joe went from Prattville to Greenville (even though I hate it), because we can better provide for our family. I thank God that I changed my mind about being invovled in the women's group at church. I thank God that I have changed my attitude about allowing family and friends to help us. I thank God that my family has expanded to add another sister-in-law and new niece or nephew, along with some great foster nephews. I thank God that I have the privilege of watching my girls grow and change every day right before my very eyes. Granted there are some changes I'm still adjusting to or just flat out don't like. But one day I will come to terms with them. I won't list them out and embarrass myself. Well change is in the air my friends. And what does it hold for you today? I know what it holds for me, paint. Yes, I said paint. I just wrote a whole blog about change to tell you that I feel it is time to paint my kitchen and the kitchen cabinents. I'm embracing this change, yet fearing the decision of having to pick the color.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Truly Blessed

Well the sun has shone its head for another day, and I am in a much better mood today than yesterday. I guess sleep really does do you good. Sometimes it is so easy to be dragged down with everyone's problems along with your own and I think that and my lack of sleep account for my mood yesterday. All that to say, new day, new ramblings. C and S take time out each week to let us know what they are thankful for, and reading how much they are appreciating their gifts from God, made me realize most of my blogs are depressing. Today I want a happy blog. God has blessed me immensely. I have a beautiful family. I have the most precious daughters. Josie, my oldest, is the spitting image of me when I was her age and our personalities are so much alike it is unreal. My younger daughter is more like her dad and looks more like her dad's side of the family. Lol is easy going, go with the flow kind of person. They are so very different and yet they make the best sisters. Josie is always looking out for Lol and making sure she is taken care of. They love to play with each other and love to love on one another. My heart overflows with love every time I think of them. My husband and I have been married for 7 years this May. We were high school sweethearts and know each other in and out, backwards and forwards. Our personalities are very different and the past 7 years have been a struggle, but at the end of the day there is no one else in this world I would rather fall sleep beside. There is no one else I would rather fight with or spend the rest of my life with. We have been through so much together and I love him. I can't wait to see what else God has in store for us. God has blessed with a wonderful extended family. Every person has their own role in this play we call life and we love them for that. God has blessed me with Sheila. We were hooked on each other from our first trip together to Six Flags. That was the first time we really spent time together. Since then we have done some crazy things together and helped each other through so many things. God knew that we would need each other to make it through this life and I am so grateful that that not only is she my sister-in-law, but she is my best friend. I am so thankful for Caden and my other niece or nephew on the way. I had some great role models as aunts and as much as I wanted children of my own I wanted nieces and nephews so that I could be as great to them as my aunts were to me. Caden is so precious and I love him so much. I have loved watching him grow and the bond that has formed between him and Josie and Ollie (as he calls her). I can not wait for them to grow up together and be there for one another. God has blessed us with the most loving and caring church. I have grown up in my church and Joe converted in high school. We have both served diligently and willingly. The members are our family. Our children have more grandmas and grandpas b/c of our church. Josie loves going to "big church" and asks about the other children from church all the time. To see her experiencing God and connecting with God's people makes my cup runneth over. God has blessed me with a great job. He handed it to me and I took it. I will have been here for 9 years this May. God has blessed us with a roof of our heads, vehicles to drive to work, clothes to wear, food to eat, and beautiful State in which to live. Alabama has everything you need from mountains, to beaches, to snow, to over 100 degree weather. God has truly blessed me and I will be forever in debt for the gifts of my life and my children's lives. Thank you to each person that adds and contributes to my life whether it be good or bad. For I know even through the bad God has a plan and a lesson for me.


Monday, March 9, 2009

And this is how I feel

I am worn out and exhausted. For the past month I have been dealing with my sick family, one person after the other. I'm drained and started to lose my sympathy for them. I feel like I'm beginning to lose myself. I write the family updates and I have no update for me. I have no life. I take care of everyone, I work, I make sure we keep in touch with everyone, I make sure the bills are paid (not always on time, but hey' they get paid). I don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm just wondering what's the point? When did I get lost being a mother and a wife and some days, most days here lately, a horrible mom and a horrible wife. If you asked me what it would take to make me happy, I would not have an answer for you. I want what everyone wants, children who listen, a better relationship with my husband, to be able to tithe like I'm supposed to, a better relationship with God, and of course a little extra money wouldn't help. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not doing the poor pitiful me song and dance. I'm just in a funk. Joe and I have been married almost 7 years and our relationship is worse then when we started 7 years ago. Somedays, most days here lately, I have to remind myself that I really don't want a divorce. Why after all this time is life not getting easier? Why are we not better off? I know that everyone has their own promblems. And I know I have it a lot better than a lot of people out there, but you can't help how you feel. And this is how I feel.
Jess Sig

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Rambling Jess

Wow this blogging thing is powerful. It has almost been a week and still no dreams about the "guy." This makes me so happy. Well on to better things. For the most part I am in a really good place right now. Joe and I just went away for the weekend with Q & S. We drove separate so Joe and I spent a lot of quality time together b/c it was a 4.5 hour drive each way. I remember the first very time we traveled for an extended period together. When we finally got to PC we were ready to kill each other. Now we talk, don't talk, no problem. This was the first time Joe had ever driven through snow so he was a little on edge about that, but he did great and we got home safe and sound. As horrible as this sounds, I guess I didn't realize how much I needed a break from my girls. I came home rejuvenated and with so much more patience. I guess I needed that break to be a better mommy to them. The weekend was a blast. It has been several years since Q & S and us went away together. Boy do I miss those days. We went on some fun trips and only got ill with each other on one. I think that is a pretty good record. Hopefully our future holds lots of family trips with them and us and all of our children. Sorry about the rambling, back to our weekend. The place was beautiful and our room was great except for the mattresses. The first night we slept with the windows open so that we could listen to the rain and the crickets. We had moving fellowship and got to meet some really neat people. I was really impressed at how Joe talked with so many people and made so many new friends. I guess I really have no point to my blog at all today, other than to say how happy I am to have Joe, Q & S. We have been through so many things and adventures together. We are so close and all truly brothers and sisters no matter what our blood says. I love the three of them to death and could not imagine my life without them. I am so grateful that my children will grow up in a close family and all the trips and adventures that our children and Q & S's chilren will get to experience together.

Jess Sig