Friday, October 2, 2009

I'm Mad

For the past couple of years my life has been an emotional roller coaster. One day I'm fine with Joe working late and not being there to help with the girls because on those days I realize that he is doing what he has to do to support his family. Then there are days that I am just plain mad about the entire situation and get very upset that I have to tell my girls several times why Daddy isn't home. Of course those days are usually the days that the girls aren't on their best behavior, I'm not feeling well, or it has been several days since he has been home at a decent time. Well last night was one of those nights that I was just plain mad. I had a migraine from being up with Josie most of the night the night before. I called him and asked him to please be home by the time we got home because it is hard to deal with two little girls when you have a migraine. Well I called him again 4:30 to see if he had left yet. He was having car trouble, it would not stay running. Now I know he has no control over his vehicle and if it runs or not, but I was just mad. I didn't feel good, Josie wasn't behaving, and he had spent last Thursady in Greenville. As the night wore on it was obvious that he was spending another night in Greenville. I finally got Josie to stay in her bed and go to sleep around 8:30 after much fighting with her. This roller coaster is very on me and what makes it worse is that I see the girls affected by it. They don't get the mommy they should be getting because I'm having to do the work of two people plus take care of them. They don't get the Daddy time they need, and some nights they don't even see him at all. I just don't understand God's plan and some days I don't know who I'm more mad at God or Joe. I know we will get through this, and that this too shall pass. I know that God loves us and that this God's way of taking care of our family. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

To make matters worse, I walked right out of the house without my keys this morning. We have no spare around the house. I've always been scared to do that because I know every place I could think to put a key a burgler or murder has thought of as well. I finally found a truck key in my purse. Then I called Keith to make sure he would be here to let me into work. I guess I will figure out the house key thing later.

Today is Lol's appointment with the ENT. Please everyone pray that if he says she does need surgery that he goes ahead and does it. Her last surgery was rough on her and my thinking is that Lol will be a year younger that Josie when this was done and hopefully handle it a little better. No parent wants to see their child thrashing around as they come out of anesthesia, in pain refusing to eat or drink, or having to forcibly hold them down to make them take their medicine. (We had to do all of this with Josie, at some points it took three of us to hold Josie as she came out of hte anesthesia.) I will keep you updated.

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