My Girls

I am going to do a thankful Tuesday today. As I look at everyone's facebook pages or blogs a lot of people are praying for sick or dying children, a lot of people are praying for families that have just lost a child, and a lot of people are praying for women trying to get pregnant. All of this just reminds me of the two most wonderful blessings God has ever given me, my daughters Josie and Jolie. We always say that Josie was our planning and Jolie was God's planning. We tried eight long months to get pregnant with Josie. Those were the most emotional and roughest eight months of my life. I was so low and actually the day before I found out I was pregnant I stood in front of my church and confessed how depressed I was that God had not given me what I had been praying for. I cried in front of everyone and the very next day I found out I was pregnant. I will never forget that day. Joe was at work and he rushed home. We went and told our parents and called everyone. Some reacted better than others. The rest of the day I spent with one of my best friends, Ashley. We went and bought "What to Expect When You Are Expecting." We looked at baby name books. It was a great day. Then two weeks before Josie turned one, I woke up early one morning and for some reason I took a pregnancy test. To this day, I'm not sure what made me take that test, but it had a very faint line. I shoved that test in front of Joe's face and asked him if he saw what I saw. I cried. I had no idea how we were going to pay for another child. Daycare was already the biggest bill we paid each month. Also things were changing at work and it was not the most opportune time for me to have a baby. I was so scared. I started calling everyone, and to my surprise everyone was so excited. I just knew people would tell me that they were too close or some of them act like they had when we told them the first time. I didn't get that at all. I guess everyone had fallen so in love with Josie that the thought of having another child thrilled them.

My girls are my world. They amaze me every day. They are two of the most loving little girls, not only to me, but to each other, and to other people. Their laughs and smiles can erase the worst of days. They have taught us so much and I could not imagine my life without either one of them. I am not sure why God has blessed me so wonderfully as I don't deserve it, but I thank him every single day that he did. I try to teach my girls about him and let them know how much he loves them as well as every single person that he created. Josie loves praying, Sunday school, singing, and learning all about the things that God has created. Jolie is coming into her own as she now is starting to fold her hands and sing the meal blessing with us. I pray that God will mold me into a Godly mother.

Celebrate the Lasts

When I was pregnant with Jolie I found myself in a local bookstore. I was glancing at the children's section and picked up this one particular hardbound book. It was short so I decided to read it. I started balling right there in the bookstore. The book was about celebrating the "lasts." So many firsts in life are celebrated, first word, first time you walk, first time you crawl, first foods eaten, first homerun, first date, first time you drive a car, and on and on. However, in life we never celebrate the lasts. Now granted I know sometimes you never know that this will be the last time something is ever done, but that is what this book was about. The last time the mom stayed up all night with the baby, the last time the baby crawled, the last time the child was picked up and held on her hip, the last time she read the child a book, and so on and so on. I bought the book. Not sure why, because to this day I can not read it again. Anytime Josie wants to read it, I tell her to go to her Daddy. However, reading it while I had a small child and one on the way opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. Life happens fast and is constantly changing. As the girls grow every once in a while I stop and remember this may be the last time this ever happens. And although it makes me sad, at the same time some of those moments will stay with me as they grow up. Last night we had our normal problems getting Josie to bed. Joe was in the shower and I was in the recliner when she again walked out of her room and came to me. She wanted another hug and kiss. I put her in my lap and held her like she was a baby and I rocked her to sleep. I rocked my 3 year old to sleep. I had given up rocking my babies a long time ago, not because I wanted to, because they didn't want to be rocked. Once I knew she was really asleep I went and laid her down. I looked at Joe and said that was easy enough, and I could handle doing that every night. I guess I had given up on something that wasn't quite ready to be a last yet.

Unrealistic Expectations

From early childhood we are all surrounded by unrealistic expectations. In the fairytales we ready as a child we quickly learn that there is a prince out there for every one of us who is waiting to rescue/save us. That he will be rich, charming, and will sweep us off of our feet. We are taught that every kiss is romantic. And as we grow and experience life these unrealistic expectations are in the back of our mind, haunting us. If you watch TV today we are taught that life's problems can be fixed within thirty minutes to an hour depending on how long the show you are watching is. We are taught that drama is better than no drama. How do we reconcile all of this with our real lives? Last night around 11:00 p.m. I was watching a rerun of Sex in the City (I have the same problem as my daughter in that I can not go to sleep at night. Most nights it is between 11:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. before I go to sleep.) and all I kept thinking was how I wished Joe were more like Aiden. Aiden is always so calm and easy going with Carrie. No matter what problem they are going through he just wants to hold her and talk it through. He rarely gets angry with her and is so good to her. Yes I know it is a TV show and there are no children invovled in their relationship whereas we have two under the age of 4, but yet that expectation of me deserving this charming prince kept creeping into my mind. Why is Joe not good enough just the way he is? Why do I expect there to be more romance, more mind alterating kisses, more sweeping me off of my feet? As a new mom, I have wrestled with this and to date have not told my girls the stories of Cinderlla, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc., because I do not know how to explain to them that this is not how real life is. Why introduce them to something and then say but your life will never be like that? Granted, I do know that there are many women out there that do have these lifes, but most of us don't have lives like that. Why are there no fairytales out there with ordinary people living ordinary lives? I am very blessed. I have a husband who loves me and he tries very hard to make me happy. I have two beautiful girls that are my world. Am I living a fairytale, no. Will I ever, probably not. I am living the everydaytale, where life is hard and there are problems that take more than a day to fix. I love my life. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Am I always happy, no, but that is part of the everydaytale.

Last Night's Adventure

Last Friday morning I spent 20 minutes on the phone with our pediatrician's office, to once again hear the same words: "You are doing everything right, this is normal, just keep trying." I wanted to scream at the lady. She did agree with me that this is not a phase, phases don't last a year and a half. She said Josie may just be one of those children that does not require as much sleep. She told me that the only thing that worked for her son was putting a movie on in his bedroom every night at bedtime. I told her I was willing to try. I told her if you tell me to give her coke at bedtime I would try it. So yesterday I spent the last $100.00 that was on my credit card to buy a TV for the girls' room. Joe was working late so I got it and the DVD player all setup on my own. Then came bedtime. The TV ended up keeping Jolie awake. (Jolie is one of those children that you lay down and leave alone. She will go to sleep on her own and prefers to be alone to sleep.) So then I had two awake little girls and no sleeping girls. It was at this point that I decided to put the girls in separate rooms again. I struggled and struggled to get the crib out of the room. I was going to put Jolie into what we call Grammy and Emmie's room. (We have a three bedroom, one bath house. My mom lives in PC and so we have a room that is setup for them when they come up and then we have the girls room.) Grammy and Emmie's bed is dirty from the dogs sleeping in there or I would have just put Josie in there for the night. Well I couldn't get the crib out of the room. I called Joe and asked how we got it in there to begin with, and he said we had to take it apart. So at this point I had to wait for him to get home from work until I could get the girls asleep. I tried to lay down with both of them in my bed, but Lol must be confined and left alone for her to go to sleep. Joe got home a little before 9:00 p.m. He got started immediately taking the bed apart. By the time he got the bed taken apart, into Grammmy & Emmie's room, and then put back together it was close to 10:00 p.m. We laid Lol down and she was out within a minute. I then laid down Josie and put the Little Mermaid in for her to watch. She was alseep within 10 minutes. However, I'm not sure if it was the movie or the fact that was 10:00 p.m. at night. Ughhhhhhhh. Now, tonight I have to go home and get both rooms like like bedrooms again. Toys are everywhere and the rooms are a mess in an effort to just get them to sleep last night. One day I really hope to have the house setup so that everyone has their place and space.

Changing subjects, yesterday Erica had somewhere she had to be in Wetumpka right at 5:00 p.m. so she dropped the girls off here with me at my office a little before 5:00p.m.. Josie got out of the car and ran straight for the door saying that she was going to work. It was so cute. She was so excited about "working" that she didn't even really say goodbye to Erica. She walked in and looked around and asked, "Where's him?" It was so cute. She was referring to my boss. She played with papers while I finished what I was doing and kept returning the magazines that Lol kept bringing to me. She was so cute and grown up.

Josie Can Now Ride a Tricycle

Josie has finally figured out how to ride a tricycle. For the longest time she would get on and use her feet in a Fred Flintstone way, not any longer. It was so exciting for us all as she peddled around the road. The smile on her face was priceless. She was so proud of herself for this great accomplishment as were we. Sometimes in the hussle and bussle of life, we forget the small stuff. But not yesterday. Yesterday we relished every second of our little girl's newest joy.

Josie & Lol

My girls, my world. Enough said.

Why I love my new background

Birds have a special meaning to me. I'm not that crazy about holding them or owning one, but they just symoblize something in my life. My first memories of birds is when my grandfather would throw his gum out of the car window. I would fuss at him for littering and he would tell me that the birds would use it to build their nests. At some point in adulthood I threw out my gum in pap-pap fashion and Joe said something to me. I explained to him my pap-pap's explanation to which Joe quickly told me that the gum would get stuck in their beaks. Fast forward a couple of years. I'm a teenager in Montreat, North Carolina. Montreat is a Presbyterian college and also is where week long youth conferences are held during the summer. We were doing a laying on of hands outside. It was my turn to be the middle. I was down on my knees giving over all my angers and hurts to God. As I went back to sit down a bird came by and pooped on me. I just laughed. I saw it as a sign from God. The guy next to me wasn't as happy. I've had a few more incidents with birds over the years. Now, Josie has become concerned with them. Anytime we throw food out of the truck, she asks, "The birds will eat it." God used birds all throughout the Bible, mostly doves, but he also talks about how he feeds the birds, so why should we worry. And so sometimes God uses birds to talk to me.